Tired

HI

Okay. i'm barely crying when i'm posting this.

Let's start a music. Wish you were here - Avril Lavigne.

i think that i need to post this on my blog because i need to get this feeling out of my head and my heart.

Okay. How was this thing happened at the first place. I will let you know the characters in this story.

The B's A4

i won't tell their real names of course but i will sort them according to the level of their house

2- sweet chubby guy (SCG)

3- nice caring kedah's boy (CKB)

4- Ak

5- The A

Okay. all this problem happened for something i don't even know.

The story starts like this.....

I was going back to Palam for sure after my raya break. Then like usual i meet b n razi having a small open house with my special spaghetti for them. it was not much but still i felt great i can cooked for them and i don't know how to explained the feeling when you eats with the person you love and they love you just the way you are.

The next day, lecture starts . i went to my seat but its weird when The A came who supposed to sit beside me, barely don't say a word to me. i m wondering why. i thought maybe they just tired after the long holiday. aite ?

but the weird moment came again when the Caring Kedah's boy also don't say a word to me. I felt awkward because he will be the one whom say hi to me and ask all the sweet things like a guy will ask to you. HAHA!

I tried to not ask them because i don't wanna mixed their feelings. So i tried to get thru the day like usual with b.

So, actually same goes to the next day. they don't even say a word to me. my curiosity aroused. Then i tried to ask the Sweet Chubby guy.

Me: Weyh! ape masalah The A and SKB? eh knape diorang tak tegur aku ?

SCG: Ntah la weyh aku pun tak tahu. Kau ade buat salah ape2 ke dgn The A ?

Me: Mane ade. aku rase aku takde buat ape2, n cite gaduh2 ni dah lame habis. DAH TAKDE !!

SCG: th la weyh ......

from that conversation, i was quite pissed, why am i to be blamed ? why is it always me ? Am i always the person tried to create problems to you guys ?

So, i tried to let it go .

i tried to talk to b about this problem. and still i couldn't fine any solution.

Then i just can't stand it anymore.... they don't say anything to me. i m pissed.

So i had another conversation with my sweet chubby guy.

Me:Aku tak tahu nak ckp ape dah weyh. aku okay jer kalau diorang tak nak ckp ape 2 ngan aku.

Nak borak, aku layan, tak nak sudah la

SCG: ....(aku pun dah tak ingat the full convo)

So, barely i was bringing up WHY! budak palam tak boleh rapat ngan budak bertam...?

i was explaining to him that it is hard for the palam to get closed to the bertam boys !

its not because i was no trying but i did, it just that they rejected me hard!

i remember what The A did to me as he rejected me twice but still i remember i did ask for his forgiveness because i didn't say a word to him for quite sometimes.

i remember what he did to me the third time as he said he wanted to have burger with the kedah boy and my AK . He said he will call me that night. so i was actually waiting and waiting for his call but its still the same from him, nothing and hopeless

but then, i check at facebook he was posting a picture of my Ak and the kedah boy drinking. which mean they already went there without me...

i felt like someone stab me and punched me at the stomach barely. like damn he did it again

but i tried to be in control, and just let it go. again"

Sigh..... then after telling the story to my sweet chubby guy, my b came to my room and we did study together and i told him everything of course for sure.

Then, my Sweet chubby guy sent me a text which in kelantanese language that i barely cant understand. i thought my Ak was sending that text, but using his phone but actually my sweet chubby guy try to send whatever i explain to him bout that bertam shits to my Ak.

i was damn. why he wanna tell him bout this thing. i wanna let it be a secret.

but in my heart i was just happy because i hope that Ak will give me extra attention.

then the next day i was texting with AK , i asked him, did my sweet chubby guy told anything to u. and the answer is YES!

then his text :

..............aku pun mcm bengang jugak dgn bende tuh .. aku ni sombong sangat ke ?

DAMN! i was not saying that okay. during my conversation with the chubby guy i was not directly mean anything to him. OKAY! i replied saying that NO! its not like that. i said that he was okay.totally. since he always be nice to me , but since the thing that we fought last time. we just not closed like last time. DAYUUMMM.. sweet memories did back before my eyes . i love that moments okay

NOW! i don't know what to do . like for real! i m speechless and my heart full with hatred. i was actually wanted to cry all night long as i need a shoulder to hold on and say to me

"its okay babe, everything will be fine"

to be frank. at the moment i don't know why i hated them so much . i m crying out loud.

B asked me why do i treat the sweet chubby guy like that during our skype. actually i was playing with him but ... i m lost in words

i just hated them and i m scared that everything i told to my sweet chubby guy, he will tell The A because in know he and THE A is so close right now which i don't know why . i'm scared that all the THE B will like gang up on me !