Tired

HI

Okay. i'm barely crying when i'm posting this.

Let's start a music. Wish you were here - Avril Lavigne.

i think that i need to post this on my blog because i need to get this feeling out of my head and my heart.

Okay. How was this thing happened at the first place. I will let you know the characters in this story.

The B's A4

i won't tell their real names of course but i will sort them according to the level of their house

2- sweet chubby guy (SCG)

3- nice caring kedah's boy (CKB)

4- Ak

5- The A

Okay. all this problem happened for something i don't even know.

The story starts like this.....

I was going back to Palam for sure after my raya break. Then like usual i meet b n razi having a small open house with my special spaghetti for them. it was not much but still i felt great i can cooked for them and i don't know how to explained the feeling when you eats with the person you love and they love you just the way you are.

The next day, lecture starts . i went to my seat but its weird when The A came who supposed to sit beside me, barely don't say a word to me. i m wondering why. i thought maybe they just tired after the long holiday. aite ?

but the weird moment came again when the Caring Kedah's boy also don't say a word to me. I felt awkward because he will be the one whom say hi to me and ask all the sweet things like a guy will ask to you. HAHA!

I tried to not ask them because i don't wanna mixed their feelings. So i tried to get thru the day like usual with b.

So, actually same goes to the next day. they don't even say a word to me. my curiosity aroused. Then i tried to ask the Sweet Chubby guy.

Me: Weyh! ape masalah The A and SKB? eh knape diorang tak tegur aku ?

SCG: Ntah la weyh aku pun tak tahu. Kau ade buat salah ape2 ke dgn The A ?

Me: Mane ade. aku rase aku takde buat ape2, n cite gaduh2 ni dah lame habis. DAH TAKDE !!

SCG: th la weyh ......

from that conversation, i was quite pissed, why am i to be blamed ? why is it always me ? Am i always the person tried to create problems to you guys ?

So, i tried to let it go .

i tried to talk to b about this problem. and still i couldn't fine any solution.

Then i just can't stand it anymore.... they don't say anything to me. i m pissed.

So i had another conversation with my sweet chubby guy.

Me:Aku tak tahu nak ckp ape dah weyh. aku okay jer kalau diorang tak nak ckp ape 2 ngan aku.

Nak borak, aku layan, tak nak sudah la

SCG: ....(aku pun dah tak ingat the full convo)

So, barely i was bringing up WHY! budak palam tak boleh rapat ngan budak bertam...?

i was explaining to him that it is hard for the palam to get closed to the bertam boys !

its not because i was no trying but i did, it just that they rejected me hard!

i remember what The A did to me as he rejected me twice but still i remember i did ask for his forgiveness because i didn't say a word to him for quite sometimes.

i remember what he did to me the third time as he said he wanted to have burger with the kedah boy and my AK . He said he will call me that night. so i was actually waiting and waiting for his call but its still the same from him, nothing and hopeless

but then, i check at facebook he was posting a picture of my Ak and the kedah boy drinking. which mean they already went there without me...

i felt like someone stab me and punched me at the stomach barely. like damn he did it again

but i tried to be in control, and just let it go. again"

Sigh..... then after telling the story to my sweet chubby guy, my b came to my room and we did study together and i told him everything of course for sure.

Then, my Sweet chubby guy sent me a text which in kelantanese language that i barely cant understand. i thought my Ak was sending that text, but using his phone but actually my sweet chubby guy try to send whatever i explain to him bout that bertam shits to my Ak.

i was damn. why he wanna tell him bout this thing. i wanna let it be a secret.

but in my heart i was just happy because i hope that Ak will give me extra attention.

then the next day i was texting with AK , i asked him, did my sweet chubby guy told anything to u. and the answer is YES!

then his text :

..............aku pun mcm bengang jugak dgn bende tuh .. aku ni sombong sangat ke ?

DAMN! i was not saying that okay. during my conversation with the chubby guy i was not directly mean anything to him. OKAY! i replied saying that NO! its not like that. i said that he was okay.totally. since he always be nice to me , but since the thing that we fought last time. we just not closed like last time. DAYUUMMM.. sweet memories did back before my eyes . i love that moments okay

NOW! i don't know what to do . like for real! i m speechless and my heart full with hatred. i was actually wanted to cry all night long as i need a shoulder to hold on and say to me

"its okay babe, everything will be fine"

to be frank. at the moment i don't know why i hated them so much . i m crying out loud.

B asked me why do i treat the sweet chubby guy like that during our skype. actually i was playing with him but ... i m lost in words

i just hated them and i m scared that everything i told to my sweet chubby guy, he will tell The A because in know he and THE A is so close right now which i don't know why . i'm scared that all the THE B will like gang up on me !

Louder

#np - Louder by CHARICE

Okay babes.. last post was haunting. I don't know? I guess. Jiga said i was being so EMO! but to tell the truth, that's what i'm facing right now Jigs. Okay my final is another 2 weeks. i m not sure i'm prepared but still i have to do my best and i need that 4.00 Flat Bitch!

Then i saw, Syaida's post on Jigs Fb about a song titled Louder which i m addicted to it because i just felt stronger and stronger like i mean i felt like i don't even need AK b my side anymore. tehee

I think i can stand on my own two feet,

while watching you my heart skipped a beat,

But still,

i'm gonna let my heart beats , heart speaks LOUDER than my head!

Love Yuna

Bitchy Moments

Who's laughing now -#np (Jessie J)

Okay peeps! this week sure i got plenty of bitchy moments that i have to face. I'm not sure i can keep it up or not. I need strength. Where are you AK_ the moments i need you to hold me tight and tell me that everything will be fine. You are no there for me.

I'm not sure how long i can wait for you AK, please answer me. My group tend to face a lot of relationship problem. maybe between members but still, i don't wanna be blame for something i don't even sure i did. Come on ? bitch

Why am i to be blamed ? Why its always me ? Come on bitch! get a fucking Life ! I swear you Sumpah Annoying.

TO A!. You tend to create problem and clash the bond between our group members but still you just acts like you've done nothing! GROW UP

Next time i ll see you. i ll make sure you bow and admitted it

Love Yuna

Cut me so deep

"You've become a razor, you cut me so deep"

Epic lyrics by Che'nelle and of course my bitch Shafiq Hamidon.

Okay i know this lyrics meant a lot to me. It always reminds me to those who ever hurts me. So, if i heard this song, i barely breath and it actually soothes my minds. This song makes me remember to my animal, my not ever goin to happen lover and now it makes me remember to my AK.

Why is it hurts? because the person i loved thoroughly, never give back what i always needed.

I just need you to love me back sweetie.

I know it will not happen actually. Impossible but still i m wishing for miracle to happen.

Eid Mubarak

Selamat Hari Raya Bitch!

Okay. Mia Familia. This year like usually. I mean really like usuall, but my family photo this year of course tak cukup corum since all my brothers raya di rumah Mertua lah but its exciting too since Zaara pun ada okay. But now i really do realize that time flies with me noticing it as i remeber like last time when my cousins and i gathered we all was like 7 to 11 years old now we all grown up. i 'm evein in a fucking university okay Bitch!

Laughing my Ass of or LMAO

Jiga was posting bout her dreams and futere cars.maybe, but i was like

is there really any future for me ? is mother earth is going to give us chance living until i aged 50 maybe ? i don't know ? of course. Let's Allah decide

AK.

Selamat Hari Raya. i miss you but i will see you next week okay wait for me darls .