First love

Hey peeps!
What for? Nay i know there's nobody going to read my blog anyway so i felt safe o write anything i mean everything that my heart wanted to.
So yea been back to Egypt to continue my life as a medical student. I realized up till now, every single time that i went to a new place, i felt for someone. Last semester with that guy but he's just a normal crush. One sided love again.
But this semester is epic. Totally.
I felt for someone. I could say my first true love.
I met him few times before but i never ever
Expect that i would ever fall for him.
Someone said that it's amazing how a person can mean so much to you but you never felt it the first time.
We contacted through all summer holiday and i can say that i never been so happy before. Having someone that cares for you and accepted you for who you are feels amazing.
However. It gets complicated as the third semester starts. I never thought that he was so close to my roomie. Then i kept our so called 'relationship' quiet and confidential because i don't want anybody to know.
But i thought i could handle this alone sadly my heart its too fragile. I'm vulnerable. Easily broken.
He's much much closer to my roomie and i'm jealous as fuck. I don't know what to do.
He did not know how many times he broke my heart over and over again. I m wrecked bitch and you wrecked-ecked me.
Sigh
Deep thoughts
I ll continue this later
I hate to see my heart breaks again.
Love yuna 😘

Reflection

I always think that i'm better than others, including my friends my connections even my bitches.

But the fact that i'm nothing. Nothing in the eye of god.

We are all the same. His humble servants. 

He lends us this world full of undeniable pleasures just to test us; to choose the one that full of virtue and faith towards him.

Friday, as usual the most barakah day ever.

I went to mosques like i always did on every single Friday.

But i never realize what is the story behind this day.

Never crosses my mind that i will eventually end up in heaven.

I always thought i belong to hell.

But who knows.

I prayed beside two banglas' and in my mind that moment, i felt disgusted and the fact that i'm better than them.

Who am i to judge them? they are just the same as me.

Maybe when the world come to an end. I ended up in the hellfire while they will go to heaven.

Who knows? 

I always make mistakes. Dahh~ everybody did.

I repented but then i'll make the same mistake again.

Will Allah forgive me? for my past and my future momken.

InsyaAllah.

Have Faith & Pray Hard 

Love yuna

Me

i found this on tumblr.
i knew the minute i read it, i gotta share it. It's totally me.
in words.

I have this bad habit of..

getting close to people and thinking that their always going to be by my side; but eventually they always leave.

I have this bad habit of...

loving people a little too much, when they don't even love me back; and when they leave me my heart feels like someone stab me from the back.

I have this bad habit of ....

caring for people, when they don't even care about me at all. Perhaps, if they'll see the scars i have deep down inside.

I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired.

i wish feelings didn't exist.

why does it exist anyway?

i always fall for everything and let it destroys me.

it's my fault after all. albeit i still have the hope that one day i find a person that shares the same bad habits as me.

Expectation

I barely know you.
Albeit i want too. badly
So i make the move because waiting for you is tiring.
I don't even know that you ever will say hi to me.

I text you, you replied.
I m ecstatic and my heart races every time we did.
Our cute conversation is absolutely enticing.
Nothing can beats that.

I'm on top of the world that last 2 hours on the verge of a morning.
I woke up on my beauty sleep as i missed you i guess.
I saw your text and you're still online.
I took the chance on that 4.30 am to text you.
Hoping that you would reply.
You did.

We chat like we known each other for so long.
I confessed at you.
The fact that you are open and willing to accept me.
I'm beyond happy and burst to tears.
You called me sayang.
I melted like ice on top of a frying pan.
My heart skipped a beat.

That morning. I said hi to you.
But you changed.
You won't talk to me any longer.
Where's the love?
Where's that sweet convo that we had.
What we had was gold.
Where have you gone?
You've change your heart less than 24 hours.

I'm tired crying my heart out.
I don't think you would ever hear it.
Maybe you won't even care.
I' moved on
I guess that big expectation that i had for you is just nothing.
Since it was easy for you.
Maybe i started pretending that we never talked before.
I won't have the chance to say Hi! or even my goodbye.

Love, yuna

Over

Let get this straight,
I can't believe that we are even together.
Albeit, you can hold no longer.
You are just the same as others.

And i finally thought you are different.
Different seems like a big deal to you.
I can't hold any longer.
I'm falling for you but you don't feel the same.

I gotta leave you.
Moving on to find a true love.
The one that will be there for me.
Hold me tight under his warm arms.

Feel his heartbeats.
Well that's a big dream.
And it looks easy for you.
I just start pretending that nothing ever happened between us.

Impossible

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy 

And my heart is broken 

All my scars are open 

Tell them what I hoped would be 

Impossible

I'm falling. I felt your love.

It started when i'm in misr. 

I never thought you gonna Whatsapp me. 

It's kinda weird because i thought i wound never ever be your kind of people.

Then, you being very sweet. nice. I'm melting every conversation we had. 

You never judged me, you listen to every story of mine.

I never expect this thing is gonna happened.

You are kind of out of my league, or i'm the one that are out of yours.

I wish that we could be together. But i knew that would be impossible

The girl you gonna be married to would be lucky. 

Your eyes and words that always tell the truth and every crap of story that i told you, but you listen.

I thought that i confessed but it's too much i guessed.

So we're impossible.

Clarity

Cause you are the piece of me,
I wish i didn't need.

If our love is tragedy,
Why are you my remedy?

Today has been hurtful. I kept thinking bout you. Can't stop and won't stop.
I'm typing in the dark wondering if you would ever think about me.
I'm moving on but every time i think about you. It hurts

Cause i thought you're really into me. How is that possible?
I know it's not realistic albeit you treat me like i'm the one and only.
I felt out of this world.

But it's okay. Totally.
I bared it all. I always did.

So,If our loves insanity, Why are you my clarity?